How To Make Small Talk

How to make conversation and small talk

with other people

Most people would rather pull their toe nails out than actually have to go up to someone they have never met before and strike up a conversation!

But don't worry help is at hand!

Throughout this article I am going to talk you through how to communicate with people that you have never met before.

The techniques work equally well with people whom you find communicating to very difficult or awkward.

Are you one of those people who meets someone new for the first time, you get past the "Hello" and then a tumbleweed breezes across the floor!

If so, you are not alone.

Meeting people for the first time can be a very daunting task, but it need not be the case.

If you understand all about other people and how they like to communicate and what they like to talk about, then meeting people for the first time can be an enjoyable experience. Honestly!

Here's how.

The problem with meeting new people or people who you do not know very well is that you tend to find that you put yourself under pressure to talk.

What should I talk about?

What shall I say?

How will I fill this silence in the conversation?

You enter into these meetings and encounters with ME ME ME in your mind!

You forget about communicating with the other person because you are too busy thinking of what to say!

In fact you don't end up communicating you just end up taking turns talking!

Let me tell you something now that may shock you.

The best conversationalists in this world are the best listeners.

In fact, the person who says the least is often the best communicator yet you are there racking your brains thinking of things to say all of the time.

Here is a top tip:

BECOME AN EXPERT LISTENER

Let me explain why.

When you become an expert listener is means that the other person is doing most of the talking.

When you go into a situation where you are meeting someone for the first time go into that encounter with only one thing on your mind - THEM.

You must treat that person as they are the most important person in the world, because to them they are!

To build up rapport and to engage in a conversation ask questions and be intrigued about the other person not yourself.

So, what do you talk to the other person about?

Well, like I said before, you don't!

You let them do most of the talking and by doing this they will think that you walk on water and will in turn ask about you and that's when YOU talk!

So how do you engage the other person into talking?

To do this it is important to understand what other people like to talk to about.

Here is the TOP 5 in order:

1. THEMSELVES!

People love to talk about themselves.

It's a fact and bet you are not an exception to that rule either!

Want to know how to build rapport with someone and to hold a conversation?

Get them to talk about their favourite subject - THEMSELVES!

"What are YOU currently doing career wise?"
"Do YOU enjoy it?"
"Tell me about this.."
"I hear YOU have been doing this..."

At a party:
"Hi, how do you know the "party host"?
"I know him because we went to school together"
"What school was that?"
"Gosford Park"
"Did YOU enjoy it there? What did YOU study?"

Ask question to get them to talk about themselves and then ask some more questions, and then some more!

He or she will love you for it!

2. THEIR OWN OPINIONS

Second only to talking about themselves, people love to air there opinions on anything and everything.

Ask these questions as well and your new friend could be talking for hours!

"What do you think of the way Manchester United have played this year?"
"What is your opinion on the strike?"
"What do you think of XYZ programme?"

However, whatever you do, don't get into an argument if your opinions differ, unless of course you want to make a sharp exit!

3. OTHER PEOPLE

People love to talk about other people.

Some people call this gossip, other just call it talking about other people!

"What do you think of xyz person?"
"Hasn't xyz person got great interpersonal skills"
"Isn't xyz person a real laugh?"

4. THINGS

Next on the pecking order is talking about things.

No matter what it is your friend will have an opinion on it.

"I love YOUR car, how long have YOU had it?"
"What do YOU think of this widget?"
"I love YOUR jacket, where did you get it from?

5. YOU!

It's a horrible thing to say but the last thing people want to talk about is YOU!

Keep the conversation centred around the other person until they ask about you and then it is your turn.

To keep their full attention wait until they have finished talking about themselves and they have asked you a question. Then you can talk.

When you do talk however, link it into what the other person has already said and you will really be making magical rapport.

ACTION PLAN

Don't worry about what to say just go into each conversation with the other person in mind.

Listen and ask questions about the other person.

Then ask some more questions!

Think about "YOU" instead of "I"

Talk about the other persons favourite 5 subjects in order!

Don't talk about yourself until the other person asks

Have fun!
Making the first move

So there you are at a party or function and you want to make the first move, but you are scared.

You are scared that they will not like you, that you will be rejected, that you will have nothing to say - the list goes on!

Guess what?

They are probably thinking exactly the same thing so don't worry about it!

Instead, take a deep breath, go over to the person and ask them an opening question.

The fact that you are both there in the same room means that you have got something in common. Other than that, bear in mind what we have covered to date and get them to talk about their favourite subjects!

It's always best to start off with small talk and then build on this foundation.