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Long Distance Love

 by: Terri Arnold, MS (Spicy Grandma)

Before the advent of the internet, long-distance relationships were rare. Most people met their mates in school, through a friend or neighbor, at a party or in a bar. In today's world, it is not unusual for men and women to connect online who live hundreds and even thousands of miles apart.

She lives in Connecticut, he lives in Idaho or she lives in England and he lives in Texas. They exchange emails for awhile, then progress to letters, photos and phone calls. Then finally expensive airline tickets are purchased and they meet! They like each other's looks, there is a great deal of chemistry, they spend several days or a week together. They have fun, they communicate well, sex is great!

Then one or both have to return to jobs, business or other commitments. They reluctantly part for who knows how long? They have declared their love for each other. Even agreed to marry but plans must be made and life continues while the lovers are apart.

Keeping love alive while separated can be made easier with a plan:

Both of you should agree to be open and honest with each other. Discuss your insecurities and areas of vulnerability.

Talk about thoughts and feelings. This can help you know more about each other than people who are married for many years.

Talk on the phone as often as financially possible. Search for bargain long-distance plans or phone calling cards.

Buy a video camera. You can IM each other and see each other at the same time with no extra cost.

Decide on a time when you can each go outside and look at the stars while thinking of each other. This can be a very intense and spiritual experience.

Decide what constitutes infidelity in each one's mind. If one of you wants to go out with friends and have a few drinks, how is this viewed by the other party? If you wish to dance with a member of the opposite sex, is this viewed as a social activity or infidelity? If you remain friends with an opposite- sex long-time friend, how is this viewed by your beloved?

Never end a phone conversation on an angry note. Agree to cool off for an hour and then call back when you are both in a better, calmer frame of mind.

When you are feeling down or extra lonely, it helps to talk to friends who are understanding of your long distance love. These friends will not tell you negative things about your mate and will not suggest that he or she may not be trustworthy.

Photos, photos, photos. Send them weekly.

Do not stagnate while you are apart. Continue to do things that interest you instead of allowing yourself to become depressed and focussing on the time when the two of you are together again.

Engage in virtual sex. Tension builds up while you are apart. Sharing self-gratification with your lover on the phone, in a letter or online can make the experience so much better. You can both learn to describe your fantasies and what turns you on so that it is so much better when you get together.

By remaining faithful to each other despite the time apart and the distance, you're showing each other that it's safe to trust. During this time, the two of you are growing bonds that will sustain you in problems you may face in the future because you have survived the very difficult relationship pressure of long distance love.